Relationship Tea- Is it inevitable to be diluted?

I wonder if he thinks I’m awkward… “sips tea”

Honestly I really just wanted to use this photo to depict this topic, so what better way than to give the “tea” on relationships. Didn’t anticipate this blog to have such a focus on relationships buttttt it’s a field I am pretty passionate about so here we are. I got into a discussion with a friend of mine and it sparked this topic. Basis of the conversation is that he believed he became another person, not himself when he got into a romantic relationship with his partner. Now that the relationship has ended he felt a sense of freedom in being his authentic self. This comment made me wonder, is it inevitable that relationships cause us to sacrifice part of our true self? This example being used is a romantic one but even in platonic friendships it is an occurrence that can happen. You hang out with a group of friends who may enjoy “ bar hopping” while deep down, a fun night for you may have been watching a new broadway show. But these are your friends, your circle of acquaintances, you may decide to sacrifice your need to conform to what they want to do and you may be fine with that decision but is it the right one? 

Now this conversation can have so many layers and factors but specifically I want to highlight personality traits and “hobbies or activities” 

Let’s use this example, lets say a guy is the “life of the party” very friendly, social conversations with everyone he encounters. This guy gets into a relationship with a partner that doesn’t enjoy those traits about them now that they are in an exclusive relationship. Now in romantic relationships it happens all the time, sacrifice is one of the key factors that comes with relationships in general. While I do believe that being committed to a significant other there is a sense of responsibility, you shouldn’t want to change the person you’re with completely. Communication upfront and throughout the relationship is very important. I think the issue comes in when people assume or believe that there should be an automatic change without making the other person aware of how they feel, do these sacrifices turn into resentment later down the road ? 

These are all rhetorical questions and honestly some instances are really case by case, so there’s no clear cut answer. What I would say is that I personally believe the right friend, the right partner and support system are going to be so equally yoked with you that you wouldn’t have to answer these questions. You should be able to be your unapologetic self with your friends and your partner. That level of freedom is something that we as humans constantly crave, acceptance of self. As life happens and we experience different milestones and phases, those needs and wants may change and that’s something that needs to be taken into consideration as well. Your friend that may have loved going out to the strip club everynight, now has a child, now has a husband that has taken priority in their life.  Do you call them boring? Have they changed because they’ve settled down?  Everyone has a choice in life and has to live with those decisions. While yes there is balance it’s also important to consider that and understand that the person  may not want to do those same activities anymore for whatever reason it is. I believe many relationships and friendships falter because people start to grow apart instead of growing together when there is a change in the dynamic. People don’t communicate and end up in friendships and relationships where they’re unhappy and don’t feel like they can be themselves. Respect for each other’s self and understanding each person’s perspective can go a long way in any relationship.  

When you make a cup of tea as it starts to brew it’s at its strongest potency. You may add honey, sugar or milk, these things start to take away from the authenticity of the tea. Does that mean it isn’t good anymore?, No sometimes these additions can enhance a tea turning it into something delicious. The additions in your life should be there to enhance you, not dilute you. This life we have is so short, being your unapologetic self no matter what is such an amazing feeling.